Criminal Charges Pending?

Posted July 11th, 2007 by Joe Kaiser

And we'd always get nice thank you notes letting us know how much the county staffers enjoyed the eats.

Dear Rob,

Last year a little county in eastern Washington sent me a letter advising that if I ever did anything like that again, they’d make sure I faced criminal charges.

I found that more than a little bit interesting.

So, I called up the county prosecutor to see if he’d at least enjoyed the pizza, and he admitted he had.

Of course, at the time, he didn’t realize he was talking to the mastermind behind the entire pizza scheme, me.

I kid you not.

a way of saying thanks

For years we’ve sent platters of food to county agencies, typically on tax sale day, just to say thanks for all the hard work they do.

We ask for lots of help from those offices and sending a Mexican fiesta platter or a couple pizzas has been our thing.

And we’d always get nice “thank you” notes letting us know how much the county staffers enjoyed the eats.

Until, that is, it was decided we were up to no good.

And that’s why a county deputy prosecutor in Lewis County said he’d see to it that I was charged with felony criminal bribery if I ever thought about sending another pepperoni pizza to his county.

It’s also why former AAG Cheryl Kringle grilled me about it at my deposition, as if it might lead to something.

I kid you not.

two out of three ain’t bad

For future reference, Rob, there are three reasons to send a pizza or a Mexican fiesta platter to a county agency, and they are as follows:

  1. To say thank you.
  2. To say you’re sorry.
  3. To commit felony criminal bribery

Common sense might lead you to considering #1 and #2 as appropriate, but I’m not banking on common sense.

I gave up on that a long time ago.

So, I advised my assistant we could no longer thank county clerks for all their hard work by sending them lunch on tax sale day.

The law is the law, after all.

I kid you not.

good grief

That’s why a pepperoni pizza, in an Lewis County, Washington is seen to be cause for criminal bribery charges.

It’s insane, but it’s what happens when things get out of control, as they are in this matter. Reason exits stage left and we deal with claims that can only be described as ludicrous.

And being charged for criminal bribery for sending a pepperoni pizza?

Clearly, we should have gone with the Hula Lula.

I kid.


Joe Kaiser

5 Responses to: “Criminal Charges Pending?”

  1. Bruce responds:
    Posted: July 11th, 2007 at 5:52 am

    LOL – LOL _ LOL! ! ! ! ! ! ……I know this whole blog is about a serious topic, BUT the thought that a county prosecutor would threaten you with CRIMINAL CHARGES for sending the staff a PIZZA on Tax Day is hysterical…..unbelievable, just incredible. How much time must these characters have to waste all day? Joe, as you know the state and federal prosecutor system is out of control. …..this is just one more example.

    (come to think of it, if a county prosecutor actually fears his staff could be BRIBED with a pepperoni pizza, – JUST PEPPERONI – No mushrooms, no olives, no peppers, no sausage—- then he needs to think about getting a new staff!)

  2. Matt Swarner responds:
    Posted: July 12th, 2007 at 9:29 am

    So, by eating the pizza you sent the County Prosecutor would then be guilty of accepting a “bribe”, would he not? Funny how things work.

  3. Joe Kaiser responds:
    Posted: July 12th, 2007 at 10:16 am

    He later told me they gave the pizzas to a food bank. Maybe so.


  4. Steve Whitehair responds:
    Posted: July 14th, 2007 at 3:40 pm

    Give Joe a break! Some of our venders bring donuts when they visit our production facility. It doesn’t impact our buying decisions but they really go great with coffee
    P.S. When was the last time you bought the clerks lunch?
    Steve Whitehair

  5. spyboy responds:
    Posted: July 22nd, 2007 at 5:35 pm


    In the book “How To Make Money On Foreclosures” (2005, Spinx Publishing)

    The author, Denise L. Evans, an atty. extensive lawyering experience and commendations, and extensive real world foreclosure investing experience (law degree with concetration in real estate, tax and finance, clerked with law firm with large real estate practice, graduated at top of class, headed specialized dept. of eight litigation attys. and support staff, conducted legal training for lawyers in TX) states that she always brings donuts to anyone she goes to for assistence in searching for foreclosures and in doing her due dilignece (including govt. officials!), and suggests her readers to do the same.

    I’ll bet that advice does not contain any potentially illegal activity.

    Thank You.

    PS: Why don’t you write back to that clown, and send some donuts !!!

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