So, You’re Saying He’s a Dick?

Posted November 4th, 2007 by Joe Kaiser

Dear Rob,

I recently had a conversation with a buddy of mine about this case and what I imagine has percipitated it, my dealings with Pierce County Deputy Prosecutor Robert “Bob” Dick.

As you know, I believe your office’s investigation resulted from contacts with Bob after we’d done what he considered to be one overage play too many in his arena, Pierce County.

And though I tried to convey my thoughts about Bob to this fellow, it wasn’t easy. The conversation went like this . . .


He: This Bob guy from Pierce County sounds like a real dick.

Me: I never actually said he’s a dick.

He: Yes you did. You came right out and said, “he’s a dick.”

Me: No, I said nothing of the kind. I said, “he’s a Dick.”

He: That’s what I said.

Me: No, you said he’s a dick. I’m saying he’s a Dick.

He: He’s a what?

Me: A Dick.

He: That’s what I said!

Me: No, no, no, that’s not what you said. You said . . .

He: Wait a minute. Is he a dick or isn’t he?

Me: Yes, he’s a Dick. Everybody in town knows he’s a Dick. I’m sure he’s proud to be a Dick.

He: So, like I said, he’s a dick.

Me: Well, if you mean he’s a Dick, then yes, he’s a Dick.

He: I think I get it now.

Me: I don’t think you have a clue.

He: No really, I think I know exactly what you’re saying.

Me: Well then go ahead and tell me.

He: Okay, you’re saying this guy Bob is a dick and proud of it.

Me: As far as I know he’s proud of it. I imagine he comes from a proud Dick heritage.

He: Seriously? You really think everyone in his family is a dick?

Me: I’m not sure they’re all Dicks. I seem to recall his wife had a hyphen in there somewhere.

He: Huh?

Me: Let’s leave the family out of it, okay? Just focus on Bob. We know for sure he’s a Dick.

He: How do you know that for sure?

Me: Know what?

He: How do you know he’s a dick?

Me: Oh, he’s a Dick. He’s even got it on his business card.

He: Whoa! He puts “dick” on his business card? That takes balls.

Me: Why would you say a thing like that?

He: Just seems a little over-the-top to me.

Me: Over-the-top because he puts his name on his business card?

He: Huh?

Me: His name. He puts his name on his business card. His name is Dick.

He: His name is Dick?

Me: Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! His name is Dick.

He: What about Bob?

Me: That’s his name!

He: I thought you just said his name is Dick?

Me: His name is Robert Dick, but they call him Bob, probably because it’s shorter.

He: What’s shorter?

Me: Bob is shorter.

He: Bob is shorter?

Me: Much shorter.

He: How would you know that?!? That’s a little creepy, don’t you think?

Me: What are you talking about?

He: You said he’s shorter.

Me: No! I said “Bob” is short for “Robert,” and that’s why they call him Bob Dick.

He: Ohhhhh, now I get it.

Me: You get what?

He: “Bob” and “Dick” are his first and last names, right? I thought you were saying he’s some kind of a dick, and not a very big one at that.

Me: Finally, you got it right.

He: I got what right? The first part or the second?

Me: No comment.

He: Joe . . .

Me: What?

He: You can be such a dick.

Me: Actually, I come from a very long line of dicks myself.

He: Shut-up!


In the arena,

Joe Kaiser


4 Responses to: “So, You’re Saying He’s a Dick?”

  1. AllAboutVoting responds:
    Posted: November 5th, 2007 at 11:42 am

    What are you, in third grade? How can you possibly imagine that attacking someone by virtue of his name is going to do anything but hurt you and your case?

  2. Joe Kaiser responds:
    Posted: November 5th, 2007 at 1:27 pm

    Attacking? That sounded like attacking to you, eh?

    I’m guessing you’re not a big Abbot & Costello fan.

  3. DaveD responds:
    Posted: November 6th, 2007 at 7:22 am

    Hey “AllAbout”

    “Hurt you and your case?” What? How?

    Are they gonna use the “He’s a big third grade meanie” argument to dispute the facts? Good luck with that!

    So what do you think they are saying about Joe as his case continues to clank around in their office? My guess… a lot worse. So cut him some slack for blowing off a little steam, OK?

    Agreed, Joe shouldn’t quit his day job either. ;-)

  4. Davido responds:
    Posted: November 11th, 2007 at 6:44 am

    I bet the AG’c staff got a few chuckles out of this post. However, even if they see rhe humor, it is likely that they would use this post in an attempt tn impeach your character. It had me laughing though.


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